The Last Time Donald Trump Admitted Blame For Something Was 1957

Washington D.C.—

According to an exhaustive survey conducted by a partnership of New York universities, the last known time President Donald Trump admitted blame for something took place over 60 years ago.

The survey interviewed 495 people close to Trump personally and professionally throughout his family, businesses, and New York City real estate scene. The survey was a questionnaire of 35 questions, and this is just one revelation the survey found.

Mr. Trump was just 11-years-old, and the last thing he willingly accepted blame for was getting caught throwing rocks at the family cat. Trump’s sister reported this incident.

The following are other interesting facts about Donald Trump the survey found:

The fibers used for his hair are imported from a Mongolian marmot farm.His kids’ yearbooks from their school days are filled with his sharpie-written comments on their girl classmates’ looks.He spent the entire year of 2011 playing Angry Birds.He gets a 25% “President’s discount” on the orange foundation he buys from CoverGirl.He leaves boogers underneath his desk.He buys $500 worth of orange Tic Tacs every month billed to the Trump Organization.He gives people headshot portraits of Ivanka for gifts that he signs.As a teenager in high school he got really into Japanese hentai.He has several framed Rubik’s cubes that he claims he finished by himself, but no one believes he has anywhere near enough patience to figure out how to solve. Trump once during a hospital stay ordered $5,000 worth of flowers to be delivered to himself with random people’s names on the cards, forgot he ordered them, and threatened to sue the florist who completed the order.The Trump Organization spent just under $40,000 on ice cream in 1991 during the beginning of his bankruptcy problems.Trump owes New York and New Jersey contractors and banks a combined total of 2.3 billion in unpaid bills.Follow The Halfway Post, America’s #1 source of satirical news, on Facebook here, Twitter here, Tumblr here, or Instagram here for more liberal comedy, political humor and satire! Also, check out our podcast Brain Milk here!